Found! Below is one of disgraced haberdasher Quentin Zazu's final letters

Dearest B,

I fear this shall be my final correspondence with you my sweet love.  They have found me.  They know about briaN o'briaN's buttons.  They know about the embezzled Battenburg.  In short, they know everything.

I hear from horracE that a joint council with the tayloR guilD decided upon my fate during the small hours at tilliE smalL's miniature bungalow earlier this morning.  Flight is my only option. However owing to the maintenance work being carried out on horracE's hot air balloon I shall have to walk.  At a brisk pace.  The ports are closed to me and the armed Haberdashery peacekeeping corps are watching the inns, outs and shakeabouts up and down the border.

I wish it did not have to be this way my frail but sharp boned dove.  No.  Put the quill down and do not attempt to argue with me.  Using this medium it would just take far too long.  I have made arrangements for my wife and children to be looked after in the advent of anything untoward befalling me.  Apologies for the appalling state of my handwriting but I write to you from a rickety carriage and we must have hit a stone as I was writing untoward.  There, it just happened again.  I am only gladdened to know that my son Tim shall not inherit his father's shocking hand as his mastery of the quill has always been excellent.  I know I can rely on him to look after his mother and little sister macrathildA.

I do not know how to even start proving my innocence over the o'briaN affair and as for the Battenburg debacle, terrY kiplinG's been looking for just this opportunity to seize power.  I have decided that I must go into hiding, possibly for the rest of my life.  Do not be angry with me my stern faced angel.  I could not bear the thought of a half smile never trying to creep it's way across your thin, pursed lips when you think of all the wonderful hours we spent together.  You in semi hostile silence, your facial tick the only movement of your pale flesh and myself just blathering on about buttons.

I shall have to sign off now my love as there seems to be some sort of commotion up ahead and I fear that...


This letter was found amongst the possessions of berenicE kiplinG by tiM zazU and has only just been uncovered by renowned historian feliX (Feathers) de flamingO.












zazUvian Heroes have been announced!!!

After months of speculation, with people tiddling and taddling around zazU. The list of zazUvian heroes has been announced. These citizens have given their life and souls to zazU and we want every citizen to know it was very difficult to pick out those lucky few who really cut the mustard. If your name didn't make the list then we are sorry but their is always next year. 

z.b: They are in no particular order

roN cooK

katE quinN

christopheR machelL

danieL seiferT

annE bennetT 

katE nicholsoN

jiM ricE

susaN machelL

jameS nairN

janE banKs

stepheN nicholsoN

sallY morrisoN

roB morrisoN

heleN politT

pineapplE johN

jonathaN watsoN

neiL pallendeR

nicK bucklanD

edwarD klabeR

beverleY rutledgE

jessE powiS

lynN delderfielD

kareN boulT

susaN swaiN

daN o'connoR

elizabetH mannerS

clairE trumblE

adaM morleY

daN belL

J begenT

johN smitH

charleS clarK

jeffreY browN

susaN browN

marY duggaN

kareN tapsoN

peteR reaD

larA denninG

pauL armitagE

jameS harrisoN

barbarA powleY

keviN powleY

sarA frencH

yvonnekE roE

philL halL

catrionA lloyD

kellY sporN

adriaN burN

richarD clifforD

christinE drydeN

laurA tayloR

We apologise mrS thompsoN you just missed the cut as we run out of paper but break an elbow for next year. Once again thank you to all our amazing application to be a zazUvian hero. We hope those of you who were selected where the honour with pride and a hat. 

geraldinE (ceo zazUvian council) xx





'The Molicorn' more FACT than FICTION?

Three separate sightings of the Mystical Molicorn have been reported since the weekend.

Not since 1824, when a group of rogue children dressed in brown suits with horned hoods ran across the hills to scare tourists from the island, has there been so many molicorns spotted, so close together.

Molicorns, famous for killing our founder tiM zazU, look similar to the common mole, but with a large silver horn upon their furry brows. Or at least that is what the reports have always claimed. No one has ever been able to prove that the Molicorn exists as there is no hard evidence. So many people are skeptical. Will this new evidence sway the nay-sayers?

The first report was from gilL tickleyolK, a cheeky man who works in the bakery on sundays. He was working his normal shift when he claims to have seen the gleam of a small shiny silver horn poking out of the dutch oven. In his horror, he remembers picking up a rolling pin and hitting the oven and the surrounding area in hopes of killing the beast. But he felt no contact and once the authorities had arrived there was no Molicorn to be seen. However, DCI Bastard did find a few rats so the bakery has subsequently been shut down. 

The second sighting was by a normal, perfect family, the goodWorthingtonS, who say they saw two Molicorns swimming in the bank fountain when they were depositing money. The creatures were just beneath the surface of the water, their horns cutting through and making ripples. 'My little girl had her feet dangling in the water, I'm so shaken, she could have lost her toes' said the Mother. Yet again, the authorities could not find any evidence of this frightening claim.

The third and final sighting, can not be called a sighting as it was by henrY from the council and his guide dog. henrY said 'My dog barked and barked, and I knew something was wrong, or he had seen something. Before I knew it I felt a furry creature nestle between my ankles and something sharp poked me in the shin. I would have sworn it was the dog, but then it spoke to me'. At this point Henry got too upset to continue. Police are rescheduling the interview to tomorrow morning to find out exactly what the 'Molicorn' said to Henry.

Molicorns everywhere. Frightening, isn't it? But will we be plagued by flesh eating monsters, and face the fate of all those poor soles in tiM's day? Living in fear and sacrificing our own spouses to the hideous creatures? Or is this still an age old myth that is being egged on by false claims and people with wild imaginations. I suppose we will soon find out.

N.B If you need baked goods, now that the bakery is closed, there will be a makeshift counter in jilL's shop selling scotch pancakes and flour.

Written by journalist monicA van monicaL (all views are on my own)



glÖck album launch 'in our dreamZ'

G'mu Ladies and boys,a brief note about glÖck's new album which will be hitting jilL's shop very soon. If you can please organise yourselves into a formal line when queuing to buy it.  We don't want a repeat of last time for anyone who wanted to know hilarY is on the mend but will never regain full use of his ankle.

x geraldinE x